这是一篇初三学生写的作文。是关于人物的描写。是关于自己同学的描写。里面使用了大量的从句及多样化的句型以便生动细腻地反映一个相当优秀快乐的同学。我为有这样子的作文与这样子的学生感觉到无比的自豪与欣慰。I am loving it!
Our “smile master”(笑长),Selena
By Violet
If I were a scientist ,I would make a kind of doll machine called “Selena”.Maybe you(加will) feel strange why do I(主谓语序去掉do) want to do this? Well,I can (am)sure if you study with her ,you will learn many things and also have a good time.
Everyone has an English name in our class.Only Selena has another name,”smile master”.Because she likes smile（此处要使用动名词smiling） and always makes us very happy. When Mr Hong pronounce(加s)(加Chinese) not so good(去掉改为wrongly或incorrectly).She usually repeats several times,then we laugh at Mr Hong.
Many adjectives can be used in (on)her.Talktive,exciting(excited),bright (加and)even cute.In general,her energy never use up(her energy will never be sued up).
But (However,)Selena is serious when she practices English.The best things(thing) is that she knows a lot of grammar.To be honest,I worship （加that引导）she learns about many things that teachers aren’t(never) tell us.
another thing that I found very amazing is （加that引导）she can answer questions very quickly..and her answer （加are）always right. Selena is a very important person for our class.Not only does she makes class happy,but also we can learn lots of things from her.I fell (think that)study(studying) with her (is just)like a very interesting trip.In this trip we got (have)good mood and learn how to study English relaxing(in a relaxing way).
This is Selena ,a bright girl.
评点：
This is the best composition in this class.You can use many kinds of sentence patterns and many clauses.That’s awesome for a grade-nine student like you!
As your teacher,I am really enjoying that!
You are going to have a bright future!
Shamus Hong
Feb.4,2010